Spotlight

Spotlight features individuals and organizations that create change every day for the health and well being of South Asians.

An Interview with Alana Nalls
By Aarti Jhaveri & Nalini Tiwari

September 15, 2006

As a fourteen-year-old, Alana Nalls recalls attending HIV/AIDS support groups with her mother, Pat Nalls. In addition to building friendships with fellow children of HIV/AIDS survivors, for Alana, the meetings marked the beginning of her dedication to the HIV/AIDS awareness cause. Though Alana, now 27, currently works in the HR department of an architecture firm, she has remained a committed member of her mother’s organization, The Women’s Collective. For this month’s spotlight, Alana speaks to Nalini and Aarti on her involvement with the organization, growing up around HIV/AIDS and her relationship with her mother.

When we spoke to your mom she mentioned that hers was one of the first HIV/AIDS support groups that encouraged mothers to bring children. Do you remember attending these meetings? Are you in touch with any of the children?
My brother and I used to go basically every time that they happened. We spent a lot of time interacting with the other children--the other women’s kids. We would kind of hang out, and spend a lot of time taking care of the kids because we were older.

How old were you, at this point?
At that point I was probably about 14.

And the kids that came, were there a range of ages?
They were pretty young; some were my brother’s age--he was about 10 at that time.

But were there friendships that you formed at that time that you still speak with today, or still have relationships with today?
Yeah, well actually, there was one friend in particular. He and I became really close. His mom was one of my mom’s really good friends. He ended up passing--not from HIV, but he was killed. His mom actually passed about three years ago. All the others, after a few years or so, either the mothers became active in substance abuse, or they stopped coming to group. Some of the kids were even taken to foster care so we didn’t get to see them anymore.

How old were you when you foud out about your mom’s diagnosis? What sort of outlets did you seek, if any?
I was 11. There really wasn’t an outlet, honestly. We just kept that kind of stuff within our family and my brother Shawn didn’t know at the time. It was something that just my mother and I knew but we still didn’t talk about it.

And how old was Shawn then?
Shawn was about 7, when my mom told me. So he wasn’t aware. I mean, we were both somewhat aware that something just wasn’t right before we knew. So there were always these questions: “What’s wrong with mom? Why is she taking all this medicine? Why does she constantly look so sad?” It was something that Shawn and I talked about amongst ourselves. So we always knew that something was wrong but we had no idea what it was, exactly.

Did you talk to any members of your family at that time? Your grandmother, for example?
No, you know…we sure didn’t. It was so hush in my family. We never talked about it and it’s still something we don’t talk about. It’s never a topic of conversation unless they want to let us know something like, “just don’t stress your mom out.” That’s the extent to which we talk about it.

Yeah, your mom told us that you were pretty involved with The Women’s Collective up until about a year or two?
Yeah, I left in October.

What kind of stuff were you doing there?
I was doing a lot of the office management stuff there, lots of interaction with the clients. What I enjoyed the most about being there was being able to have that interaction with the ladies and the children, and see the kids grow.

You weren’t just somebody doing HR; you were somebody who had this significant amount of experience behind you…I’m sure that helped, too.
Yeah, exactly, I agree. That helped a lot. It just always humbled me. I mean, my mother is positive but when you see these kids, who are not only dealing with their parents being positive but with substance abuse, and seeing their mothers getting high…just seeing them from day to day and hoping that they grow and do well in life despite of everything that’s going on in their life…that was a joy for me. Just to see these kids.

When we spoke to your mom we focused more on the women who were coming in and the activities she had for them but what sort of activities did you have for the kids, if any?
They [The Women’s Collective] had a support group called, “Rising Stars,” and that was geared more towards the children. When the mothers were in Coffee House, the kids would have these discussions about what was going on in their lives. A lot of kids didn’t know why their parents were there.

In our conversation with your mother, she also mentioned that topics including sex are still somewhat uncomfortable for her to address. How comfortable are you in discussing sex-related subjects, when working with The Women’s Collective?
It was easy at The Women’s Collective, because we were like a mini-family. With my mom, though, it wasn’t always so. Around my friends, actually, I’m the “expert” when it comes to HIV and sex-related issues, so it’s an entirely different situation there.

How satisfied are you with the sort of exposure your generation has towards HIV/AIDS awareness? What methods would you suggest to heighten awareness, if any?
I never really thought about it when I was in school, but now that I think about it, it’s disappointing. In college, there are no required seminars on safe sex. Even when it came to condoms, the only place we could get them was our Health Center, and it could get awkward. There was always sex-related stigma. I think it’s crucial—especially for college students—to be aware of HIV/AIDS, because a college campus can be so detached from the rest of the world. Also, interaction with people living with HIV/AIDS might help make the issue more real for these college students.

What advice do you have for folks that have family members with HIV/AIDS…what can the family do for that person?

The best advice I can give for family members who just find out their loved ones are positive is to NOT JUDGE, be supportive. It is the hardest thing an individual can tell their family they are already scared and filled with turmoil about the situation. Your job is to simply be there as that shoulder to lean on and show that you care.

How comfortable are you in discussing your mother with your significant other, or anybody you are dating?
I’ve had two real long-term boyfriends. With the first one, I told him ten months into the relationship. It was pretty serious. I was 19, he was 22. I was pretty worried about telling him, but despite that, he was very supportive in his reaction and we continued to date for a year after that conversation. In the second relationship, I was about 21. There would be a lot of days when I would be down and start to cry when I was thinking about mom, and what had been thrown at us. He would ask me what was bothering me. He actually knew my mom well, and when I got around to telling him, he cried too. And after that, he’s always been supportive.

Who is your role model?
My mom, undoubtedly.

What is your long-term goal for life?
I’m happy with my life right now, but eventually, I would love to have my own family. I’d love for my mom to experience having grandchildren.

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